at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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