I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
