My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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