Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
