she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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