I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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