Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What a dumb baby whore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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