Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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