They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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