Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
