Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
