dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
