his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
