I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
