had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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