He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i came on her dog
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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