i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
