I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
