absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
