so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize