Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
