yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
