why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
