I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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