I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
