watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
