Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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