my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
