He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
