My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
