he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
