Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
