Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
