what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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