Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
