I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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