I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
