you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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