Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
