I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
