forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
