NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
