I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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