you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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