Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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