Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
