I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize