so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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