When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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