watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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