Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
