We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
