You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
