hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
