im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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