Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
