I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
