The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
