OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
