well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
