i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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