Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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