He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
