I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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