We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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