Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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