Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
